♪♪ ♪♪ [ Bell rings ] [ Bell rings ] [ Tires squeal ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Telephone ringing ] ♪♪ -Thurlbury Historic Keep.

Speaking, yes.

Sorry?

Say again?

[ School bell rings ] ♪♪ -[ Knocks on door ] Uh, sorry to bother you, Headmaster.

Uh, Mrs. Hall sent Tommy Jarvis over to see you.

-Why?

What's he done?

-He's, um... Well... -Really?

Really?

[ Telephone rings ] Oh, sorry.

Two minutes.

-Go on.

-Hello?

-Guess what.

-Oh, God, they haven't done something already, have they?

-Who?

-3C.

Aren't they there on a field trip today?

-I'd forgotten all about that.

No, they're not even here yet.

But guess what.

I'm going to be on the radio.

-Oh, right.

-"Oh, right"?

-I'm sorry.

Oh, good.

-It's Coastland FM.

They're doing a little segment about Thurlbury, you know, for the anniversary.

And, of course, they wanted some input from a local historian.

-Sorry, l-local what?

-Historian.

-Oh.

-So, a reporter is taking me out for lunch today.

Peter?

-Mm?

-You still there?

-Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, No, it's great, great.

Uh, meanwhile, I've just had a 9-year-old, uh, turn up at double maths with a dead magpie in his bag.

So, it's, uh, quite the morning for both of us.

-Are you serious?

That's horrible.

What was he gonna do with that?

-How should I know?

He's either a budding ornithologist or a potential serial killer.

I'm veering towards the latter.

-Oh...

It wasn't Betty Jarvis' youngest, was it?

-I couldn't possibly say.

-Of course not, no.

No, I wouldn't expect you to.

One knock for yes, two knocks for no.

-[ Knocks once ] -Thought as much.

You know that she married her fourth cousin, don't you?

-Can I go now?

-Yes, yes, yes, of course, yes.

Get on.

Oh, and I don't forget that Jamie and Becka are coming for dinner tonight.

So, I'm going to need you to subtly slip the topic of babies into the conversation at some point.

-What?

Well, why is that my job?

-Well, because it's less obvious coming from you, that's all.

-[ Van horn honks ] -Oh, I think 3C have turned up.

Yes.

Alright, so I'll speak to you later.

Okay, bye.

-Mm.

Alright, Dr. Lecter, let's go.

♪♪ ♪♪ [ Children shouting ] -Jill.

Oh.

Are you alright?

Alright, 3C, listening.

Okay, guys, listen up.

Thank you.

You all know Mrs. Cole.

She helped out at the harvest festival.

And she's married to our very own Headmaster.

So, you know what that means, don't you?

Best behavior.

Yeah?

So, who would like to tell her what we've been learning about these last few weeks?

Emma?

-Cheese.

-Not cheese, no.

Um, Josh?

-Medieval Britain, Miss.

-Very good.

And this place, where we're standing now, is the actual site of an actual Norman fort.

-Keep.

-Keep.

Which, uh, Mrs. Cole helps to maintain.

-Well, I don't really help, as such.

I'm actually the sole curator, to be fair.

So I'm the keeper of the keep.

I'm the keep keeper.

I keep the keep.

Hm, tough crowd.

-Oh, tell me about it.

-Okay, then, worksheets out.

Everybody, get into their pairs.

-Coffee?

-Oh, sweet Jesus, yes.

-A nice cuppa en route.

-So, a big radio star, eh?

This could be the start of a whole new career.

-Don't know about all that.

It's just a little piece, really.

They probably won't even use it.

Just nice to be asked, isn't it?

I don't want to make a big thing of it.

-No.

No, of course not.

-It's a weird job, isn't it?

Teaching assistant.

Of course, they never had them in my day.

-How's she working out?

-What, Roxanna?

Oh, yeah, she's great.

The kids love her.

Hey, you know who she's going out with, don't you?

-Alex Myer, from Coastguard.

-Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Of course, he was at the school back when I was working there.

He was a proper little troublemaker.

The younger brother was even worse.

-Yeah, well, at the end of the day, he's handsome, has a steady job, and he's about her age.

What more can you ask for in Thurlbury?

Slim pickings out there, as I know only too well.

-Well, I'll tell you what, Jill, I happen to know one place where you could meet somebody.

Mm, do tell.

It's only the social event of the season.

-Ah, the big planning meet.

It's gonna be awash with handsome, eligible bachelors, is it?

-It...might be.

You are coming, aren't you?

-Yeah, 'course I am.

-Good.

Because I need you to propose the idea of a float.

Well, it'd be awkward if I did it, wouldn't it?

I've arranged the meeting.

I don't want people to think that I'm trying to organize everything.

-You are trying to organize everything.

-Yeah, but I don't want people to think it.

Chockie biccy?

-Are you trying to bribe me?

-Absolutely.

It's cash for questions but with added calories.

Well, as you know, Maggie, I am nothing, nothing, if not easily corruptible.

So, uh, chuck in a custard cream, and I think we might have a deal.

Mmm.

[ A-ha's "Take On Me" plays ] ♪♪ [ Engine revs ] ♪♪ ♪ We're talking away ♪ ♪ I don't know what I'm to say ♪ ♪ I'll say it anyway ♪ ♪ Today's another day to find you ♪ ♪ Shying away ♪ ♪ I'll be coming for your love, okay?

♪ ♪ Take on me ♪ -♪ Take on me ♪ -♪ Take me on ♪ -♪ Take on me ♪ -♪ I'll be gone ♪ ♪ In a day or two ♪ -♪ Take on me ♪ ♪ Take me -- ♪ [ Engine shuts off ] -Okay.

[ Singsong voice ] Looking good.

-No, no, no, I'll get it in before 5:00.

And I'm editing it myself.

Yes, I am.

Look, I drew the short straw here.

I'm editing it, or else it'll wind up being even duller than it's already gonna be.

I mean, have you ever actually been to this place?

It's like 2004 here or something.

They probably still sacrifice virgins.

[ Scoffs ] Oh, hang on, it looks like the chief druid just arrived.

I'll call you back.

Maggie Cole?

-Yes, that is me.

[ Chuckles ] I am indeed she.

[ Laughs ] -Jez.

Good to meet you.

-Lovely to meet you.

-Thanks for doing this.

-Yeah, no, of course.

It's my pleasure.

Absolutely.

-Great.

Right, then, a drink?

You look like a "G" and "T" girl to me.

-Do I?

-Yeah.

-Oh, well, I have been known to have the odd -- but it's a little bit early for me.

-Maggie, come on, it's always 5:00 somewhere, am I right?

-Ooh, gosh, it's so media, isn't it?

-It's very "Mad Men."

-[ Laughs ] Yeah.

-I've never seen that show, actually.

-You should.

It's good.

Yeah, a mate of mine worked on that.

-Did he?

Right.

Um... Oh, go on, then.

Yes, alright.

Yeah, I'll have one little one.

Yeah.

Just tiny, you know?

-Alright.

-Child's portion.

If children drank alcohol, which they don't.

So, that's just silly.

[ Chuckles ] Sorry.

-Uh, same for me, mate.

And a double "G" and "T." ♪♪ -It was part of a Norman settlement for centuries, but both its name and its recognition as a village didn't truly come about until 1520.

So, I like to think of the anniversary as a celebration of all of that history, not just the last 500 years.

[ Chuckles ] -Yes.

Good.

That's all great, Maggie.

Thank you.

-Well, it's history.

It's what we're made of.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Uh, of course, we want this piece to be as much about Thurlbury now as Thurlbury then.

-Right.

-Modern village living, you know?

Mm.

Most townies probably think close-knit communities like this are all just, I don't know, tombolas and cricket matches.

-Yeah.

-I reckon you could set them straight there, though, Maggie.

-Too right, I could.

[ Chuckles ] Although, to be fair, we have got a very good cricket team, 'cause they came fourth in the county last year.

Which is a surprise, considering half of them are on the bottle.

[ Chuckles ] But you didn't hear that from me.

[ Laughs ] -No.

No, of course not.

Do you know, when I took this assignment, some of my colleagues tried to insist that nothing interesting happens in Thurlbury.

-Who said that?

It wasn't "Moxy In The Morning," was it?

'Cause I really like him.

-I mean, who doesn't?

The man's a national treasure.

-He's a treasure.

-Yeah.

No, it was just some of the kids in the office.

Millennials, eh?

What do they know?

I bet you could name me a dozen people 'round here living out lives 10 times more interesting than theirs.

-Yeah.

-In fact, perhaps you could point me in their direction.

You know, some quirky anecdotes from a few colorful characters could really round this segment off.

A chance to show some of these city dwellers they're not the only ones having fun.

Am I right?

-Yeah.

I mean, I don't want to give the impression that I know everybody.

-No.

-But, yeah, I think I could point you in the direction of some people worth talking to, yeah, yeah.

-Great.

Well, you hold that thought, Maggie, and I'll grab us a couple more drinks.

-Yeah.

No, no.

Actually no, no, 'cause I've honestly had enough.

-No, don't worry about it.

It all goes on expenses.

-Does it?

-Yeah.

If I don't use it, I lose it.

-Yeah.

Oh, go on, then.

One more, yeah.

-Attagirl.

-Just one.

[ Chuckles ] Double.

[ Chuckles ] ♪♪ ♪♪ -I cannot believe you got sloshed in the middle of the afternoon.

-[ Slurring ] I did not get sloshed.

Just thought I might be mildly over the limit, that's all.

-Anyway, it's only five minutes from the school to the pub.

-Yeah, but five minutes, for me, that's practically a full cardio.

-Anyway, I hope you haven't wasted your whole day telling people that your wifelet's going to be on the radio.

-I haven't, no.

-Oh, haven't you?

Well, you can.

Not brag, obviously, but... Oh, look who it is.

-What?

-Pull over.

Pull over.

It's Buster.

-Um, I don't believe we've been formally introduced.

-It's Buster.

It's Marcus Orsbansby's dog.

It must mean he's back.

-Oh, for... -Now what are you doing?

-Nothing.

I'll just... Becka and Jamie are coming for dinner.

We need wine.

-No, we don't.

We've got three unopened bottles in the -- -I won't be long.

Just wait there.

Hello.

-[ Knocks on glass ] Alright, sir?

-Yes.

Thank you, Liam.

-Good.

Good to see you.

-You great, witless, walking ASBO.

-Ah...

Afternoon, Emil.

How's things?

I couldn't beg a favor, could I?

You wouldn't stick this up in your window for me, would you?

It's advertising that meeting we're going to have about the anniversary celebrations.

We're gonna have a float.

[ Chuckles ] Do you have floats at all in Poland?

Anyway, we need as many people as we can to attend, so... [ Sighs ] -Okay, I'll stick it up.

-Great.

♪♪ -I'll do it now, then, shall I?

-Fabulous.

Thank you.

♪♪ [ Clears throat ] Oh, hello stranger.

[ Chuckles ] It's Maggie.

Maggie Cole.

We met last year.

-Oh, right, yes.

Of course, Maggie.

Hi.

-Hi.

So you're back at Riverside Cottage again, then, working on your latest masterpiece?

-Trying to, yeah.

-Oh, did you arrive today?

-Uh, no, no, uh, about four nights ago.

-Oh, wow.

You must've rattled out five chapters by now, then.

-Well, I've made a start, anyway.

-Yes, we always make sure that your books are prominently displayed here.

-Yes, I have noticed that.

Uh, technically, I'm not really a local author, though, so... -Pfft!

You write them all here, don't you?

-Well, yes.

-Well, there you go, then.

You are an honorary Thurlbrian.

-Sorry, a what?

-Oh, grrrr.

You know, I wish I'd known that you were here, because I've just done an interview for local radio, a silly little piece about the village.

You know, it's nothing of your sort of level.

They'll probably use it as filler.

But I could've plugged your book.

-Oh, well.

Maybe next time.

Oh, no, there probably won't be a next time.

Although, Jez did say that I was a natural.

-Right.

[ Chuckles ] I suppose I'd better get back to stockpiling the old provisions, then.

Uh, I'm sure I'll see you around.

-Yeah, absolutely.

'Cause I'm everywhere.

[ Chuckles ] -Yes.

-[ Laughs ] Oh, no, not there, Emil.

It'd be much better on the door here, wouldn't it?

More people would see it then.

No, put it here.

There, there.

That's it.

[ Engine starts ] Oh.

-Well?

-What?

-Wine?

-Oh, we've got loads of that at home.

Just go home.

Go on, go on, drive home.

That's it.

[ Sighs ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -I'll see you tomorrow, then, yeah?

-Yeah.

-Night, Alex.

-Night-night.

-Down boy.

Woof, woof.

Argh, woof.

-What are you doing here?

-[ Laughs ] Oh, I just gave Syd a ride home, didn't I?

Saw you two getting stuck in.

I thought I'd bag myself a ringside seat.

Who said I'm giving you a lift?

-This was my car once, you know?

-No, it wasn't, it was Dad's.

-Alright.

Come on, then.

Mum's probably got tea on.

Alright.

Bye, Roxy.

Bye.

I love you.

-Goodnight.

-Grow up, grow up.

[ Horn honks ] ♪♪ -[ Speaks indistinctly ] He crosses the line.

He's the Formula 1 champion of the world.

-Yay!

-Josh Roberts.

See?

This is how Lewis Hamilton started.

-[ Sighs ] People are gonna ask questions.

So, we say we got it on finance.

Or I sold a kidney.

Come on.

Stop worrying.

It's just a car.

Have a look inside.

Do you, uh, like the color at least?

-Yes, Neil, I like the color.

It's my favorite.

You know it is.

-So, how's about it, kidder?

You want to go for a quick spin?

-No, it's a school night.

-Please, Mum.

-Please, Mum.

-Ugh, alright, alright.

Once around the green and then bed, okay?

-Alright, come on.

-Seat belt.

-Passenger seat, mate.

I'm driving.

Okay, seat belt on.

[ Engine starts ] ♪♪ ♪♪ -I just... Basically, I just...

I was happy to help.

They probably won't use very much of it at all.

They just wanted, um, insights from a local historian.

-A local what?

-Historian.

-Yeah.

-What did you actually talk about, then, Mum?

-She can't remember.

She was sloshed.

-I was not sloshed.

It was mostly about Thurlbury.

You know.

Jez did say that it was great.

They could fill a whole hour with it.

I couldn't believe it.

-They were probably joking, Mum.

They tend to edit that stuff down.

I did a little thing for local radio once.

-You did?

-Yeah.

Oh, it wasn't here.

It was when I was up at uni.

-I don't remember that.

Oh, no, it wasn't one of the awful boxing things, was it?

-Boxing thing?

-Yeah.

Jamie used to box.

-You used to box?

-Yes.

Absolutely awful.

I used to worry myself sick about it.

-Sorry, sorry, no.

I can't quite -- you?

You used to box?

You once woke me up to get rid of a spider.

-It was big.

-[ Laughs ] -Uh, by the way, Mum, did we tell you we think we might've found a shop space for Becka's business up in Trellcombe?

-Oh, that'll be good.

You'll be able to sell loads of your little trinkets up there.

-They've got pots of money.

-Bespoke jewelry, Maggie, not trinkets.

-That's what -- that's what I meant.

[ Chuckles ] And it'll be good not to have to work from home any more, won't it?

Because that'll free up your second bedroom.

That'll be good.

-Mm.

-Yeah.

You'll have to find something... maybe something else to do with that.

[ Thud ] -Are you two thinking of starting a family soon?

-Oh, honestly.

Sorry, he's so insensitive.

I'm so sorry.

It is a fair question, though, isn't it?

I mean, you have been married for three years now.

And, hello, custom-made baby-sitting service here, getting older by the day.

Yeah, well, you know, we've -- we've talked about it, But it's... -Maggie, you may rest assured that if and when we decide to start a family, you will definitely be... the third to know.

-Well, good.

That's good.

-Bronze.

-That's -- That's great.

Good.

Right.

Bye.

[ Sighs ] I said bring it up subtly.

-That was subtle.

Non-subtle would've been, "Your mum wants to know when we're getting grandkids."

That practically is what you said.

-[ Scoffs ] I love you.

-[ Laughs ] You're such an idiot.

-Hm.

-And I love you, too.

-Mm.

-[ Chuckles ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Radio chatter ] -[ Sighs ] ♪♪ -I love you.

-And you.

♪♪ [ Engine starts ] ♪♪ -'Course, it's a Friday night.

Off on another one of his "business weekends."

-The actual air quotes were unnecessary.

-Would've got it from the tone.

-Poor Carol.

She knows, you know?

I know she knows.

And she just lets it happen.

We should invite her over for supper sometime.

-No, we shouldn't.

She's our G.P.

I mean, she's seen my bits and bobs.

And I'm not having supper with someone who's seen my bits and bobs.

Right.

Are we sorted?

-We are.

-Goodnight, Headmaster.

-Night-night, you.

Oh, yeah.

Hm.

Hm-hm-hm.

-Hey, are you excited about the interview?

-Tremendously, yes.

Can we have the light out now?

-We need to start getting the word out about it.

-Oh, God, you're not gonna make a big thing about this, are you?

-I'm not doing this for me, Peter.

This is all about Thurlbury and promoting the anniversary celebrations.

We want everyone in the village listening.

I'll put it on the social medias.

-You're not on the social medias.

-I'll use the school's or Jamie's.

-Neither of those are yours.

And why do you have the passwords?

Look, I mean, can -- can you not do this tomorrow?

Maybe think about it before you do?

It'll probably only be a short, little clip they use.

I just don't want you to be disappointed, that's all.

-Mm.

Plus, you'd like to go to sleep.

-Plus, I'd like to go to sleep.

[ Grunts ] [ Both sigh ] ♪♪ -Well, obviously, I can see that.

-Oh, right.

♪♪ Oh, come on.

Why is it...?

Oh, double tap.

Oh, double tap, I see.

It's supposed to -- ah-ha-ha.

There you go.

-There I go what?

Who's this?

-Well, I don't know, but keep swiping like this.

Right, and then you put a blue tick in this box here if you like anyone.

Swipe it, like this.

-Yeah, I know how to swipe, Maggie.

I just don't know what I'm swiping for, because this looks suspiciously like a -- -A dating app.

[ Laughs ] Yes, it is.

I've signed you up for one.

Well, Jamie did.

'Cause I don't really know how to do it.

Well, you were saying the other day that you didn't get to meet anybody.

-Yes, I was.

But that doesn't mean that I'm so desperate that I want to go on some -- oh, hello, he's nice, isn't he?

-No, no, you don't want that one.

He works on the rigs.

He'll be away.

-Well, hey.

What?

How do you know?

-Uh, because I've checked them all out earlier.

What?

I've got a vested interest in this.

I mean, anyone that you pick is potentially gonna become a best friend-in-law, aren't they?

[ Chuckles ] [ Cellphone rings ] Talking of which, here's yours.

-Oh, yeah, well, he's also my boss.

So, don't mention that I'm spending my lunch break down at the pub, even if you did kidnap me.

-Lips are sealed.

Thurlbury Historic Keep.

Oh, sorry, love.

Sorry, I mean, hi.

-Maggie, would you like to tell me why I've just received an invitation to a barbecue party that's being held at my own house?

-Oh, sorry about that.

I just copied in everyone in my address book.

No, he's got a big beard.

No, no.

-So -- so we're having a barbecue?

-Yeah, for the broadcast.

I'm sure I mentioned it.

-Uh, no.

No, you didn't.

-I'm sure I did.

[ Knock on door ] -Hang on, sorry.

Uh, sorry.

Um, just this e-mail, the barbecue.

Do I need to RSVP to Mrs. Cole or can I just tell you that I'm coming?

-No.

Um, I'll -- I'll pass your acceptance on.

-Thank you.

Thank you, sorry.

-Maggie, exactly how many people have you invited?

-Not many.

♪♪ -Now, then, yes, please.

-Hey.

You are allowed to help, you know?

-Oh, I am helping.

I'm on doorbell duty.

[ Doorbell chimes ] -There, see?

Once more, my services... are required.

-Hey, hey, hey, hey.

-Oh, hey.

-Dinner, here, two weeks in a row.

I deserve a medal of honor for this.

-Oh, hello.

-Hi, Dad.

-Oh, dear, couldn't come up with an excuse fast enough, then?

-No, we did.

Didn't take.

-Alright, better go on down there.

Um, abandon hope all ye, et cetera, et cetera.

-Ah, perfect timing.

There we are.

-See you in a minute.

-Okay.

-Mm.

-Fun.

♪♪ ♪♪ -That's good.

Glad you came.

That's good.

Lovely to see you.

-Hello.

-Hello.

[ Chuckles ] Ah, hi, Karen.

-Maggie.

-So, you've never actually been here before, have you?

-No.

-Ah.

-Oh, it's very nice.

-Oh, well, thank you very much.

Yes, it suits us.

I mean, it's a lovely view of the estuary.

-And, uh, Mr. Cole obviously takes great care of the garden.

-Peter?

[ Laughs ] I mean, no, you must be joking.

No, all of this is my doing.

No, he would over-water a cactus, that one.

-No, cactuses don't need watering.

-Cacti.

-Sorry?

-No, of course they don't.

It's just a -- it's just a silly joke, that's all.

-What was?

-Nothing.

Will you excuse me, Karen?

Thanks.

Hi.

Oh, Carol, so glad you could make it.

-Oh, not at all.

Thanks for having me.

Spared me having to cook.

-Oh, of course.

Alan's away again, isn't he?

Nothing worse than cooking for one.

Ooh, sorry.

-Oh, none taken.

-So, did he get to speak to you last week?

-Who, Alan?

-No, Jez.

Are you gonna be on, too?

I-I don't know what you're talking about, Maggie.

-I'm sorry.

-Oh, didn't he drop by the surgery last week?

Uh, Jez, the reporter.

I told him to come and see you.

-You did?

Why?

Well, because he asked me to suggest some notable residents.

Did he speak to you?

-Oh, am I a notable resident?

-Of course you are.

Headmaster-in-waiting.

I mean, Mistress.

I mean, Headmistress, sorry.

-Well, whatever I am, no, he didn't.

-Ooh, that's strange.

Maybe he ran out of time.

Talking of which... [ Laughing ] I'll be on in a minute.

It's like a premiere, isn't it?

I feel like I should make a speech or something.

-And if she tries, wrestle her to the ground.

-Shh.

-Or box her.

-Shh.

[ Europe's "The Final Countdown" plays on radio ] [ Volume increases ] -You know she's gonna ask.

♪♪ ♪♪ -Don't touch that dial.

You'll only get in trouble with Maggie.

-I'm not afraid of her.

-Of course you're not, Dad.

♪♪ ♪♪ -Do you need a hand, Headmaster?

-Oh, hello, Karen.

Um, you really don't need to call me Headmaster outside of work.

Actually, don't need to call me in work, either.

-Oh, I really think I should.

In work, I mean.

-That's your prerogative.

But outside of work, Peter is fine.

-Well, do you need a hand, Peter?

-Right, can I just...?

Just take that, thank you.

[ Tongs banging ] Everyone, the Thurlbury piece should be on after this.

So, if you'd like to move over this way, you'll be able to hear better.

-Across the county and on digital nationwide, this is Coastland FM.

-Ooh, I'm nervous.

I absolutely hate the sound of my own voice.

-Since when?

-The time now is just coming up to 1:30.

In a moment we'll get all... -Actually, while we're waiting, can I just remind everyone that there's a meeting tomorrow night about... -...with Jeremy Crosby.

-Whoo!

Shut up.

Shut up, it's on.

[ Laughs ] -Village life.

The very term itself conjures up images of summer fêtes, cucumber sandwiches, and tea on the lawn.

But does such an idealistic, chocolate box vision... -That's him, that's Jez.

-...still hold true today?

Or is the great British village an altogether different beast?

I recently visited the historic former medieval settlement of Thurlbury to find out.

It was here I spoke to local resident and amateur historian Maggie Cole... -Amateur?

-...and asked her what it was like living in, what must presumably be, quite a close-knit community.

-Oh, it's wonderful.

It's just wonderful.

I'm actually fourth generation Thurlbury myself, born and bred.

There's literally nowhere else in the world that I would rather be.

-Aww!

-I wondered whether there was any truth to the wider public perception of communal village living.

Is it all curtain twitching and gossiping over garden fences?

-Oh, well, I don't know about that.

But it's certainly true that everybody knows everybody else, or at least knows someone who does.

[ Laughs ] You can't keep a secret here.

Uh, um, that's from two bits of the interview.

Gosh, it's fascinating, isn't it, how they put it together?

-Shh-shh-shh-shh.

I'm trying to listen.

-Obviously, I'm not really one for gossip, but some of what goes on 'round here would put the soaps to shame.

[ Laughs ] And that's from a different part, too.

-And with that, she began to regale me with various tales from the Thurlbury rumor mill.

-I did what?

♪♪ Oh, yeah, you wouldn't think it to look at them.

Not at all.

I mean, they seem like the perfect couple.

They've been married 15 years, and she's been the village G.P.

here for 10.

He spends most weekends in Exeter, supposedly on business.

But a friend of mine saw him there once and he was... Well, let's just say in the arms of someone else.

A male someone else.

No, no, that was just -- we were just talking, then.

They weren't supposed to be...

Yes, of course we're multicultural here.

'Course we are.

We've got a lovely Polish family, actually.

They've been here 10 years.

They'd do absolutely anything for you.

They're the heart and soul of this community.

Mind, between you and me, the daughter's a bit of a one.

Nice enough girl, very pretty, but she certainly knows it.

I mean, obviously, I'm not saying she has a reputation, as such, just... Well, from what I've heard, you could count on one hand the number of boys she hasn't been carrying on with.

♪♪ Stays for a couple of months every summer, writes all his novels here.

Claims it's for the tranquility.

But, you know, if you ask me, it's... Well, let's be polite and say research, rather than laziness or cheating.

You see, he doesn't actually make any of his characters up, like proper writers do.

So he just secretly bases them on people 'round here.

Loads of us have spotted ourselves in them.

-What?

-Loads of us.

-Oh, my God.

-Well, you have to wonder, don't you?

I mean, arrive out of nowhere four years ago, no family.

Suddenly owns the village pub.

He's from London.

East End.

Hm, never talks about himself, of course, but...

I've heard things.

Gangland things.

Take it from me, we're talking witness protection here.

I mean, you only have to look at him, to be honest.

I know one family around here with a bit more going on than meets the eye.

They're a very friendly couple.

I've known them since they were kids, to be honest.

-No, no, no, no.

-She's a hairdresser at the local salon.

Husband works at the boatyard.

-Dad, for God's sake, just turn it off.

-Don't.

Don't you dare.

-It's not like either of them make much and then, suddenly, a brand-new car, flashy clothes.

-Oh, no, no.

Oh, God.

The pair of them have started acting, well, you know, differently.

I'd read there'd been a jackpot winner somewhere in the county.

I don't know why they're trying to hide it, though.

They're probably worried about begging letters or something like that.

-Maggie, what is this?

-I...I...

Yes, yes, my husband's the headmaster there, you see.

-Maggie.

-Actually, he's retiring next year.

It's never gonna be the same without him.

I mean, the woman who's taking over, she's -- well, don't get me wrong or anything, she's actually my best friend, as it goes, but, oh, you know, maybe not the sharpest tool in the box, to put it mildly.

[ Chuckles ] I mean, how she thinks she could ever take -- [ Radio turns off ] ♪♪ Everyone, you have to believe me, I don't understand what's just -- -No, you don't.

You don't understand anything.

-Carol.

-No.

No, no, no.

Leave it.

Just...

Uh, everyone, I think it might be best if we called a halt to the proceedings.

Yeah?

[ Indistinct conversations ] -Yeah, I think we should probably go, too.

-Are you joking?

For once, I'm actually up for staying.

-Becks, please.

-Sorry.

[ Indistinct conversations continue ] -Jill.

Oh, Jill.

Listen, all of that just was completely out of context.

-Alright.

Alright, well, I'll tell you what, Maggie.

Why don't you tell me what the context for you telling an entire county what an apparently useless, thick, moron I am would be?

-Jill, let's not do this now.

-No.

No, you're right.

I tell you what, Maggie, let's not do this ever.

-Oh, God.

♪♪ ♪♪ -You alright?

-Well, I managed to save some of it.

But there's only so much room in the freezer.

-No, that's not what I meant.

Are you alright?

-Yes, absolutely fine.

I'm actually going to go and have a quick bath.

-Do you not want to, I don't know, talk about it?

-Talk about what?

Oh, a storm in a teacup.

It'll all be forgotten by tomorrow morning.

Do you want a bath after me?

-No.

No, good, thanks.

♪♪ -Did you hear it?

-Yeah, I heard her.

I heard it, the lads at the yard heard it, my boss heard it.

-Oh, God, what did you tell them?

Neil, what did you tell them?

Oh.

♪♪ ♪♪ -Oi, has he said anything yet?

-No.

It's nonsense.

The woman's an idiot.

-[ Clears throat ] -£3.10.

-Why don't you have one for yourself, mate?

♪♪ ♪♪ [ Door closes ] -Hey, are you alright?

God, I'm hungry.

Have you eaten?

'Cause I was thinking of ordering a takeout.

What's wrong?

♪♪ -Village life, The very term itself conjures up images of summer... [ Ringing ] -Hello, this is Alex.

I can't get to the phone right now.

-Please leave a message after the -- ♪♪ ♪♪ -Alright, Maggie?

Still in the bath?

-[ Voice breaking ] Yeah, I won't be long.

[ Crying ] -Oh, Maggie.

[ Sighs ] ♪♪ Come here.

[ Sobs ] Oh.

It's gonna be alright.

-No, it's not.

It's not.

I didn't mean it, any of it.

-I was just talking.

-I know.

-You know, people talk.

-I know, I know.

-But why would he do that?

-Doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter.

-[ Sobs ] -If it makes you feel any better, I am, at some point, going to break both his legs.

-Mm.

I've ruined everything.

-No.

No, you haven't.

You haven't done anything that can't be fixed.

-Yes, I have.

I mean, how do you fix a thing like this?

-I don't know.

I don't know.

Perhaps by stubbornly refusing to acknowledge that it can't be fixed.

Hm?

And you are the most stubborn woman I know.

Hm.

We're gonna -- we're gonna talk to them.

All of them.

-One by one.

-Yeah.

-We're not gonna lie.

We're not gonna make excuses.

Just gonna talk.

-Yeah.

-And we're gonna make it right.

-Yeah.

-With all of them.

-Each and every one.

-Yeah.

-I don't know how.

-No.

-But we are.

-Yeah.

-A storm in a teacup.

It's just a storm in a teacup.

♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -To order "The Trouble with Maggie Cole" on DVD, visit ShopPBS.org, or call 1-800-PLAY-PBS.

Also available with PBS Passport and on Amazon Prime Video.

♪♪